:) and :(

you just stood behind me.

as if you dont give a shit.

then you just walked away.

-.-

hehe.

and you stood there waiting.

:)

decided to go on youtube.

to watch 'better'.

by boyzone.

and then i found out.

something really horrible.

...........................

stephen gately died yesterday!!!

:'(

he used to be my favourite.

:(

i miss my guitar lessons.

i wanted to switch my tutor when i saw my friends being good at christmas carols but then i didnt. and i thank God i didnt. so, at least now, i can play what i like coz this is what my tutor taught me all the time ---- play with your ear.

*1st pic: neenee~ you always like this pose right?? so lala eh?**2nd: may lalas burn in hell!!*

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

fel. cheers.

numbers will always remain as just numbers. they can never mean anything else.

11.07.09

i found extra siblings starting at the mid of 2007/when i was only 15. another 3 when i was 16(last year). since young, to everyone who asked me,"how many siblings you have @ adik-beradik berapa @ ni you zhi ge shiong di jie mei?" i'll always answer,"3 and im the youngest."

but now..

if someone were to ask me again, i'll answer,"11. 7 brothers and 3 sisters and im the youngest."

my 8 extra siblings really treat me damn good as if i'm their little sister. they make sure i dont get bored, make sure i'm always stuffed with food!, make sure i have a good time and most importantly, they make sure i dont feel left out.

i sometimes do feel weird myself when i hang out too much with them, honestly because i'll always tell myself,"they're just your sister's friends." but it is so hard for me to let that thought remain in my mind whenever i'm with all of them. especially now, few more hours and its gonna be the 11th. and two of my brothers and sisters are leaving to perth and i dont know why i feel so weird. really really really really weird. i dont even feel this weird having to think that im gonna be separated from my high school friends in a few more months. but this. i'm really gonna miss those days.

days when my papa enjoys singing his own lyrics in the car while my jie keeps laughing and rolling her eyes and another jie jie keeps "EOWWW! DAMN WOOCHOOOYYY LOR!!".

days when my same jie jie says,"SEI YE ARH!!" "SEI VICTOR!!!" "QIQI ARH!" "KARENNNN!!! DAMN WOOCHOYYY LOR!" "FUCK MY LIFEEE!!!!!"

days when ANOTHER sis would say to me bout make-up,"aiya, nevermind lar. slowly you will learn one.."

days when my other 6 gorS talk:

john :(always with a serious face) nonono, actually it's alright one. it's alright."

hiro : (always rolling his eyes) eow. damn aercui lor.

ali : (always sms-ing) *tit tit tit* smirks. *tit tit tit* woochoy. *tit tit tit* eh herh.

mr v: its a fact! then too bad la.

henry: (always laughing and..) kar...renn.. (laughing again)

leo : (special eye-rolling skills with his mouth half opened) *need i say more?

its so weird right that i feel so weird about them leaving?

tweet tweet. text message. wtf.

moral teacher : bukan.. saya hanya pilih yang dua terbaik sahaje..

me : then jangan tanda lar! bagi saya harapan palsu pula!

memang damn erchui eh this dracula moral teacher. damn alot of excuses to not give us marks. the next test i'll surely leave them blank. do also fail, dont do also fail. then why wanna waste my pen and highlight ink?

and yes, another tip for those who are being called fat:

bitch : oi gemuk!

me/you : me? fat? nevermind. i can watch my weight. what bout you? you're ugly, so you gonna do plastic surgery?

urgh! damn malas to blog ady.

my bracelet and drug.

i walked into a shop and happened to see;

a bracelet.

i really liked it straight away

but i dare not say it out.

afraid it might be too pricey.

but i got it somehow.

i smiled and put it on everyday.

where ever i go, i need to have it.

it'll feel weird not wearing it around.

but sometimes, i'd just rush out;

without wearing it.

and the rest of the day, i have to force myself to not feel weird

not wearing it.

of course i'm afraid i might lose it someday.

but if it does happen, i should train myself to overcome the feeling.

being without it.

aren't you just like my bracelet,

my favourite bracelet?

i need to have you to let loose.

it's like an addiction to keep wanting you.

more and more of you.

i know, deep down inside, you're no good to me.

but i keep denying this fact.

i keep telling myself,

"as long as i shut up, i wont be caught".

i just checked out of rehab.

i was recovering eventually.

i didnt need you anymore.

but then it happened again.

you, this kind of drug,

is too strong.

too strong for me to resist.

i knew it was coming back.

i could've and should've stopped it.

but i couldnt.

so, all i do now,

is to be stupid.

is to be fake.

and just admit it;

i am addicted to you.

the truth?

only i know it.

coz im too selfish.

say whatever you want.

thats the truth.